October and November have been tough months for me. I’ve allowed myself to stress about nearly everything. I’ve not done a couple of [small] homework assignments. Most papers have been done the night before or day that they are due. For a multiplicity of various reasons, I didn’t go to a single church service at my church here in Siloam Springs between Sept. 11 and Nov. 6. Most of those weekends I was out of town, but a couple of times I chose not to attend.
The lesson from these trying past couple of months—although I am only just now recognizing it—is that it is not enough to say “yes” when I hear the question “Do you trust Me?” or to say “I am Thine.” I must make the choice, through God’s strength, to live that out in my actions if I am to find the rest and the satisfaction in life that I learned last spring is possible.
The process of learning this hasn’t been easy…October’s musings filled 16 pages of my journal…but standing here I am thankful to be able to look back and finally see that there has been a lesson in all the hiccups I feel like I’ve been through. Again, I don’t feel like talking about it in detail here…it’s still too recent I guess. To some extent, God used spring semester to ground me in His love—the summer to teach me that He is trustworthy—September to show me what He calls me to—and October and November have been something of a test to see if I am ready to live it out.
And frankly, I’ve failed quite a few times. Because even with the past 11 months of learning, I still forget. The weekends of Oct. 9 and Nov. 5 were, honestly, horrible. Last weekend was amazing. This weekend may not be so great because I have one paper due Sunday night and two others due Monday. But I have the tools to succeed – well, one tool really: God’s strength. If I choose to trust Him and to work diligently, I can do well. I don’t have to be stressed. God is faithful – it is up to me to live in recognition of His faithfulness.
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