My Heart-ostat

Today my counselor and I got onto the subject of regulating and expressing emotions.

{I love my counselor, she is very much a Biblical Counselor, not just a nominally Christian counselor like some of the ones I have gone to in the past. Ellen actually uses Scripture with me, every time - and she opens and closes us in prayer, every time. She is also incredibly affirming and encouraging ... at least most of the time. But she's also not afraid to call me out on something when she senses the need!}

This evening, after we'd been talking about some various life circumstances, she took us to James 4:1-3. I won't say this nearly as eloquently as she did, but I'm going to try and share with you the lesson that she shared with me from that passage. And yes, I do have her permission to blog about and publish this! :)

Our regulator as believers is the Spirit of Christ indwelling in us, she shared. And by Him indwelling us, it doesn't just mean that He lives inside of us; but also that He fills every part of us.

In James 4, the author paints a picture of people who were very *dys*regulated. They were fighting and quarreling because of the {fleshly} desires battling within them. They were going to the extent of killing {I would guess in a Matthew 5:22-sense} just because they could not get what they desired. Their covetousness led to fights and quarrels. Why? Because they weren't asking God for what they desired; or when they did ask, they asked selfishly (with wrong motives), wanting to spend what they got on their {fleshly} pleasures.

It is a serious inditement, and all the more so because James wrote this strong warning to believers!!

Ellen pointed out that just because the Spirit of Christ indwells us, does not guarantee that we'll be surrendered to Him and subject to His controlling influence. He does not force Himself upon us, but rather waits for us to call upon Him. {Sometimes I wish that were the other way around!!}

When she asked me what I was hearing from what she said, as she often does, I said that it made me think of a thermostat {thus the title - a thermostat for our inner emotional hearts is a heart-ostat, right?}.

To further tease out the analogy I was thinking of, Paraclete is like a thermostat because unless I tap into Him, He doesn't regulate my emotional climate. But when I do turn toward Him and ask for help {setting the thermostat}, He is so very capable of controlling the entire HVAC system of my heart.

People without Christ's Spirit indwelling them don't have that heart-ostat available to them. They may be able to regulate their own emotions somewhat, but nothing can replace the divine regulation that is available to believers in whom the Holy Spirit resides.

When I choose to allow Paraclete to regulate the expression of my emotions, it's not just about me! It's also a witness to the watching spiritual hosts, and quite probably also a witness to people around me too. I don't want to be someone who stuffs all my emotions OR blows them all out of proportion. I need Him in me, the hope of glory, that HIS power may show forth in and through my weaknesses!

So, that's what I have to share tonight. Thanks for reading and caring! :)

The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength

 I was up at 3 a.m. this morning, making herbal "Sleep Tea" that I had bought from a friend-of-a-friend, after waking up at 2 and having a fruitless hour of trying to fall back asleep.

I grabbed this mug because of its large size, but seeing what it said reminded me of a post I've been meaning to write!

Back on Jan. 19th, I was responsible for leading the daily prayer time at my workplace. I had contacted some of our workers for prayer requests, but only received two responses - not enough to keep us occupied for half an hour.

Then I looked at my Verse-a-day calendar on my desk, and it had the verse above -- and so I went with a bit of a longer devotional before the prayer time.

So, Nehemiah 8:10 - we all know it, even if we don't know the reference. "The Joy of the Lord is your strength." A positive, encouraging verse, right? Yes, but even more so if you know the context!

Anyone out there know the context of this verse?

Anyone?

{There was silence when I asked this question in the devotional time.}

So I took us back to the context, something I had noticed a few years ago (probably when I was reading through Nehemiah!) and that has stuck with me every time I've seen or heard that verse since.

After Nehemiah and company had rebuilt the wall of Jerusalem, there came a day when Ezra read the law to the people from morning until midday, with other priests there to explain the meaning (Neh. 8:1-7).

Nehemiah continues: 

 

"They read from the book, from the Law of God, clearly, and they gave the sense, so that the people understood the reading. And Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, 'This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn or weep.' For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law" (8:8-9).

 

I don't know about for you, but this doesn't seem to me like the context for a go-to voice on Joy!

But that's not all - look at the majority of verse 10, the part that never gets quoted: 

 

"Then he said to them, 'Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength'" (Neh. 8:10).

Nehemiah and Ezra shared this line with a people who were grieving over the ways they had fallen short of what the law required!!

As New Covenant believers, we are no longer under the same set of laws and demands that the Israelites were. But what can we learn from their example?

I think too often we use this verse as a band aid or a somewhat trite expression to try and encourage someone. But what if, to really help our friends, we urged them to acknowledge and confess the ways they have fallen short, and then to find new strength in the joy of God’s forgiveness? What if we made confession like the Israelite's a regular practice among ourselves?

Then I walked through the definitions of 'confession,' from good ol' dictionary.com:

noun​

1. acknowledgment; avowal; admission: a confession of incompetence.​
2. acknowledgment or disclosure of sin or sinfulness, especially to a priest to obtain absolution.​
3. something that is confessed.​
4. a formal, usually written, acknowledgment of guilt by a person accused of a crime.​
5. Also called confession of faith: a formal profession of belief and acceptance of doctrines, as before being admitted to church membership.​

As a Protestant, I don't believe that confession to a priest is necessary to obtain absolution. And, I had forgotten about the positive sense of confession, indicated in the 5th point.

I then read the following prayer of confession from a church in Indiana, a combination of two separate ones the pastor had shared on the church's blog:

 

"Holy and merciful God, in your presence we confess our sinfulness, our shortcomings, and our offenses against you. You alone know how often we have sinned in wandering from your ways, in wasting your gifts, in forgetting your love. Have mercy on us, O Lord, for we are ashamed and sorry for all we have done to displease you. Cleanse us from all our offenses, and deliver us from proud thoughts and vain desires. With lowliness and meekness may we draw near to you, confessing our faults, confiding in your grace, and finding in you our refuge and strength; through Jesus Christ your Son. Amen."

And then I just opened up the floor for a couple people to pray their own personal prayers of confession, and then we launched into praying for a couple of our workers.

So, thanks for reading!! This is something that has been meaningful to me--as I said, for a couple years--and having thought through it a little more concretely recently, I wanted to share it on here!

Resentment & Repentance

I don’t know exactly how this post is going to come out…….I’m still in the messiness of processing this, and writing is usually my best way of processing. So here goes.

It was a couple weeks ago, the day I read Luke 15 in preparation for Bible Study that evening, and thinking about what I wrote in my previous blog post. I went out for a walk with the baby I’m nannying, and it wasn’t long before Paraclete walloped me on the side of the head with it: You’ve been acting a lot like the older son this past year.

And it’s true. There have been various moments in the past year+ when I’ve internally cried out the questions to God…“I was doing what I thought You called me to do. What happened?? What more do You want from me? Why did You take it all away? I don’t deserve…”

Do you hear the voice of the elder son there? ‘All these years I have served you, and you never even gave me a small party.’ As if service and outward obedience earn the right to demand fair recompense.

Part of me wishes we knew more of this story—how long had the elder son harbored such bitterness and resentment in his heart? How did he respond to his father after this? Did he stay the same, hard and unforgiving? Or did he repent?

But Jesus had evidently done what He intended with the story as is.

We know that His hearers at the time, the Pharisees, didn’t take to heart the application of the story. They didn’t change their attitude – they still hated Jesus for what He claimed and preached, and they still ended up killing Him as their attempted solution.

But what about someone like me, who never set out to harbor resentment and feelings of injustice towards God? Someone who comes to see the folly and selfishness of such a heart attitude? What am I to do to change and not be like that anymore?

I think the answer to that question actually takes us back to the other two parables in Luke 15, which each follow a very similar pattern. Something is lost, the owner searches and finds it, a celebration ensues, and the parables end with the statement “I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (vs. 10, vs. 7 is similar).

But really, what did a sheep and a coin do to repent? What could they do? They don’t even have enough sense to try to be found. It was all up to the owner to find what was lost, and yet the final verse compares them to a repentant sinner.

Maybe repentance has a lot less to do with me and my ability to return to God than I would like to think.

So how should I respond when the Holy Spirit points out something like this?

I guess the first step would be to confess it—to agree with God that what He said is true. And then to repent of it—to trust God for the grace and strength to stop resenting Him for what I don’t have and instead believe His promises of all the good things He has given me.

Easy to say, hard for my prideful flesh to be willing to do.

At the root of such bitterness as the elder brother showed is belief in a falsehood: That I deserve commendation and reward for my good behavior. What is the truth about every single one of us? What do we truly deserve? Only God’s condemnation and punishment for our sins against a perfectly righteous God. All else is only by grace.

I want and expect promises of comfort and ease—but that’s not what Christ gave. He promised that we would have trouble in this life (John 16:33), and yet in the same breath He promised His peace. So why do I try to stiff arm the challenges? In so doing, I also reject the lessons God has for me in those experiences.

Can I learn and choose instead to embrace whatever He has for me, knowing that He is a good Father and so whatever He sends must also be for my good? Not a journey that my heart has made much progress on….though I know and believe it to be true.

Like I said – I’m still in the midst of processing this. I don’t have the application all neatly packaged up and ready to be implemented….Lord help me to have the humility to submit to You and repent!

The Elder Brother

Once upon a time, there was a man with two sons. The older son was dutifully obedient, but the younger son was willful and independent. One day, the younger son grew tired of living in his father’s home. After demanding his share of the family inheritance, he went away to a far country.

There he lived extravagantly for a time….until the money ran out. Then down to the depths he plunged, the depths of feeding pigs. Here he realized his folly and thought out a plan: to return and ask to serve his father as a servant.

As he neared home, his father came running to meet him. There was no criticism or judgment, only love and acceptance. A great party was quickly prepared to celebrate the son’s homecoming.

When the older brother came in after a long day in the fields, the festivities caught him by surprise. On finding out the reason, he utterly refused to join in. The father left the party to plead with him—but the son angrily responded,

“I’ve been serving you for years, never breaking a single command. But you never gave me even a little party with my friends. Then this rascal shows back up, having wasted everything you gave him, and you pull out all the stops—for him!”

The father answered,

“You are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right to rejoice at the homecoming of one who we thought was dead!”

How did the older son respond? What happened next? We don’t know for sure, because that’s where Jesus ended His parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15.

I’ve been thinking about this parable the past few days, because a Bible study group I am part of looked at Luke 15 last Thursday. Reading the chapter, listening to a children’s version of the story, and discussing it with the group recalled to my mind another study I had taken part in, years ago.

That book/video series was Tim Keller’s The Prodigal God. It’s been so long since the latter study, but some of the concepts have really stuck with me. I will try to specify which points I know come from Keller’s book – and hopefully I won’t miss any!

But my focus isn’t on what Keller shared about the story—as good as that was. My focus is on the personal application…for me, in this season.

As Keller points out, there’s not just one son in this story: there are two. A lot of the attention of the story and the readers is usually on the younger son, the prodigal* who returns home. But after his interrupted speech in verse 21, the younger son fades into the background of the story and a new dynamic takes center stage.

See, the older son was the ‘good kid’….or was he really? His response to the father in verses 29-30 reveals a heart that while outwardly obedient was inwardly resentful and even hateful. Some of us can easily see ourselves in the beginning of the story—a child living recklessly and thoughtlessly, who only later comes to his senses. But how many of us are willing to own up to the times we’ve been like the older son: self-righteous and angry that we don’t get what we “deserve”. {I believe one person can go through seasons of being either one of these.}

Keller argues that this story represented both of the groups of people Jesus was addressing (tax collectors & sinners vs. Pharisees & scribes – see vs. 1-2). The first group were like the younger son, and the elder son pictured the second group. Working hard to earn God’s favor and blessings. Angry that some people would just waltz in and get it regardless of the bad things they had done. Feeling like they deserved success and recognition for their stellar behavior.

[Well, it’s a week later and I’m just wrapping this up and finally posting it. I’ll do a separate post with the more personal application.]

*One of Keller’s excellent reminders is the original meaning of the word ‘prodigal,’ referring to extravagance (see verse 13). The way I typically think of this word (as a person who got off track) is because of this story—it’s changed the use of the word. Thus Keller’s title, The Prodigal [Extravagant] God.

Joy Doesn't Come from Smooth Sailing

I’m in a weekly study of joy, just going through the Bible looking at each mention of the word and studying/reflecting on the context of the rest of the chapter. I’ve definitely been enjoying this time with a couple other ladies from my church!

This past Saturday we looked into Psalm 105. The mention of joy is near the end of the chapter, but the verses before definitely lead up to it. So here are my reflective notes on Psalm 105….

105:1-6 – The call/application: To be in relationship with God! Speaking to Him and speaking about Him to others. Seeking Him out, and remembering His marvelous works. And thus the rest of the Psalm!

105:7-12 – God’s character, specifically focused on the promise He made and His commitment to keeping it.

105:13-15 – Historical overview: God’s protective hand over His people—not allowing the kings of the nations to harm them.

105:16-22 – Joseph—tested by the LORD until the time was right for him to take charge.

105:23-25 – Israel’s time in Egypt—numbers increased, but so did hatred of them.

105:26-36 – The plagues sent against Egypt, to compel them to let God’s people go.

105:37-41 – God’s provision for His people during the Exodus—booty, a cloud/fire protection, food, and water.

Why all of this? Verse 42 points back to verse 8—God had made a promise to Abraham, and He remembered it!

105:43 – Thus “He brought out His people with joy, His chosen ones with gladness.” It took centuries of time and apparent setbacks before the right time came for God’s plan and purposes to be fulfilled. Joseph didn’t feel joy when he was sold into slavery, but that was a step in the joyful Exodus. Four hundred years of Israelite slaves didn’t experience the joy of release—but their descendants did.

105:44-45 – God did all that so His people would receive the land of the Gentiles and keep His law there [which they did NOT do very well!].

This chapter was a good reminder for me this week. Tomorrow marks a year since I left Uganda, and that anniversary could get me stuck in grieving what I miss and what I lost last year. But this chapter is a reminder to me that God doesn’t just work joyful things through the good times. No, He is working out His plan in ALL things, no matter how hard/bad they look or feel to us at the time.

I find it interesting that, unlike a sermon, this Psalmist started off with the application. Verse 1-6 are full of commands: to sing, to glory in His name, to remember His wondrous works. And yes, sometimes that includes remembering the hard times, as this Psalm does—but to do so with eyes focused on the ways that God fulfills His promises and redeems the suffering into joy!!!

So that’s my goal for tomorrow and this week: to remember His faithfulness and the joy that He works out through the suffering and the scars.

The Fruit of Suffering

A friend and I hung out for several hours on Wednesday afternoon. It was a fun time, but we also talked some about heart-level things. One of the verses she reminded me of was the one about Christ's promise to follow suffering with restoration.

Yesterday and today, I have been wrestling with my emotions yet again. I'm still not sleeping the best, waking up around 3 each morning and unable to fall back asleep. After two weeks of this, it is beginning to take a toll emotionally. And yesterday, a praying, supportive, encouraging friend from church finished her earthly race. She was ready to go, but I am still grieving our loss--which of course is heaven's gain!

All that to say, I needed this passage this morning. And I wanted to share it in case it encourages anyone else too.

1 Peter 5:5-11 - Submit to God, Resist the Devil

5:5 The calling for each of us is to humbly submit to one another. The motivation is that God gives grace to the humble!

5:6-7 So we should humble ourselves under God's hand & cast all our cares on Him--that He may exalt us at the proper time.

5:8 A strong warning: we most definitely do have an adversary, who is out to get us & devour us. So we must be sober (self-controlled) & vigilant (watchful), looking out for his traps.

5:9 Resist him!!! How? By FAITH! Knowing that I am not alone in experiencing the sufferings of temptation...my brothers and sisters throughout the world face the same.

5:10 The God of all grace is the answer! He called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus! Yes, He allows us to suffer for a while. BUT, He promises to perfect (restore), establish (confirm), strengthen, and settle (establish) us.

5:11 Yes, Lord, to You be all glory and all dominion, forever and ever!

I wanted to look a little more at those four words of promise in verse 10, so I checked them out using the Strong's numbers on Biblehub.com.

perfect - #2675, which means to complete or prepare. It implies doing an action to something to "bring into its proper condition (whether for the first time, or after a lapse)." The same Greek word is the one used in Matthew 4:21, when James and John were mending their father's nets.

establish - #4741, which means to make fast. It implies buttressing, propping up, or supporting something. This is the Greek word used of Jesus in Luke 9:51 when He set His face towards Jerusalem.

strengthen - #4599, which basically just has the one meaning. But it also implies a strengthening that still allows for mobility "i.e. able to move in a way that achieves something in the most effective way." Interestingly, 1 Peter 5:10 is the only use of this Greek word!

settle - #2311, which means to lay the foundation of. Two other usages of the Greek word bear mentioning here: Matthew 7:25 (the house that did not fall because it was founded on the rock), and Ephesians 3:17 (Paul's prayer that the believers would be grounded in love).

These words are the promised fruit of our enduring the suffering of temptation by the enemy. Because no matter what I face from our adversary, God is greater, and--spoiler alert--He wins!!

Broken Cisterns or The Spring

Caveat: This is something I’m in the process of learning….I don’t really know yet what it looks like to practice applying it! So I write this not because I have all the answers, but because I’m on the journey of discovery.

Recently, I had a heart-to-heart talk with one of my sister-friends. As I was prayer-journaling for her afterwards, part of a verse about broken cisterns came to mind…and I saw how it possibly related to her situation, but how it definitely related to mine.

I didn’t look the verse up to read the whole thing right away. I should have!!!!

Instead, I started writing about the process of repairing a leaking cistern—something I experienced at my house in Kasana, Uganda earlier this year. How the muck from years of use has to be cleaned out. How pick axes have to hammer away at the old cement coating for hours and hours, causing brokenness before the resurfacing can be done. How even after the repair work is finished, the cement has to cure for a couple days before the pipes can be reconnected for the cistern to start refilling. And how God has to send the rain.

I thought it was a great analogy that I wanted to share with all of you.

But then, the next morning when insomnia awakened me before dawn, I pulled my Bible off the shelf and opened to the actual passage. I read the whole chapter, but one verse is where I focused:

“For My people have committed two evils:
They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters,
And hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water.” Jeremiah 2:13

The problem is TWO-fold. It’s not just that the people are trying to rely on broken cisterns that can’t hold water. It is ALSO that they forsook God’s spring as the source that they SHOULD be relying on!!!

And so the real call here isn’t to put in the work and effort to repair the broken cistern, like I had thought it was the night before.

The call is to return to HIM!!! See Jeremiah 3:1b:

“‘But you have played the harlot with many lovers;
Yet return to Me,’ says the Lord.”

As I wrote in my quiet time journal, “The call is to leave behind the cistern method [completely] and tap into a spring!!!”

Paraclete reminded me of a couple passages from John where Jesus talked about a similar idea.

John 4:10 & 14 for one, of course! Jesus tells the Samaritan woman that He could give her living water, springing up into everlasting life.

And then John 7:37-39: The call for thirsty people to come to Jesus, that He would make their hearts flow with rivers of living water. Not the often nasty water from cisterns that isn’t safe to drink or cook with, because frogs and snakes and who knows what else have lived and died in it.

As I wrote, “The new covenant ain’t about repairing our broken cisterns!!! It’s about changing our water source completely. And John’s commentary on Jesus’ declaration is important: vs. 39—the promised river of living water is the Spirit of God—it’s a Person! Who indwells us and reminds and teaches us!!!”

That was all several days ago. What brought it back to mind and spurred me on to blog about it was last night at the church accountability group I’m part of. I can’t share about what was shared in the group, for confidentiality reasons. But as I was praying in the car on the drive home, Paraclete brought this concept back to mind.

Any time I am looking to counseling or therapy or a book or medication or anything else physically external to fix me, I’m trying to resurface my broken cistern and missing the real point.

That’s been a growing realization ever since I joined this group back in September. I’m not saying that ANY of those things I listed above are categorically bad. I am taking part in all of them, as I seek continued mental health/healing. BUT! If my faith is in any one of those things, or even in all of them collectively, that is misplaced faith.

I believe that every one of those things can be powerful and needed tools, like tools for gold working or surgical instruments. But it is GOD who is the great Craftsman/Surgeon—it is HE who must be the force behind doing the refining/healing work. And I must actively choose to surrender to Him and to yield myself to the process—and yet also to take part and be involved in it. God must do the work, but I must choose to practice applying what I’m learning.

Praying in the car last night, I just thanked Jesus for His amazing patience with me. Because I am such a slow learner!

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where relationships with other believers falls. I guess that it IS still a “mere” tool—but I think it is part of a trifecta of the most powerful tools: Bible reading/study/meditation, intentional/conversational prayer, and Spirit-led conversations with believers.

Because on Saturday, when I had spent the whole morning home alone, spiraling down into a depressed state faster than a coin in the final stage of a coin tornado, it wasn’t prayer or Bible reading that pulled me out of it. {I was trying to try those things, and they weren’t stopping the mental circles of self-talk.} It was my host mom coming home, seeing my distress, grabbing me in a hug, and praying for me. It was Lahash’s director and his wife coming over and spending a couple hours listening to me share my struggle and praying for me. It was talking to my accountability partner on the phone, sharing with her and listening to her share with me. It was talking to my parents, also on the phone, and sharing with them too.

Well….I didn’t know my blog post about cisterns vs. The Spring was going to include those last two paragraphs too! But there they are :)

And honestly I’m out of words now. Except for this: Please join me in praying for myself—and maybe for yourself too—that God will teach me how to put this idea of changing the water source I rely on into practice. And that I will do that hard work!!! Because it’s ME, making those moment-by-moment decisions, that can change my life. OF COURSE, I cannot do that in my own strength. It has to be Paraclete motivating and enabling me—just as John said in 7:39, it is HE (the Spirit) who is the river of living water!

So here’s to practicing living out the tension/balance of Philippians 2:12-13:

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”

May it ever be true of us.

Confidence

Confidence.

This is a word that has been coming to my mind a lot the past week or so.

Usually, thinking about it makes me think of that song from Sound of Music. You know, the one where a nervous Maria is coming to the Von Trapp family home for the first time. “I have confidence in confidence alone; Besides which you see, I have confidence in me!”

But there’s a pretty big problem with that song. And I have been experiencing it a lot this year. If my confidence is in myself, I set myself up for trouble.

As Paul said in Philippians 3:3-4, we should have no confidence in the flesh, even if humanly speaking we have lots of good reasons to.

This morning I did a brief study about what the Bible says about confidence. And it was both encouraging and convicting! These passages point to having confidence in Christ and in His work in us, not in ourselves.

Here are the passages that my study brought to light. I hope they encourage you as they do me!

Psalm 118:8 – “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man”—including myself!

1 John 3:21 – Our confidence is toward God, not toward ourselves.

Proverbs 3:25-26 – “Do not be afraid of sudden terror, nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; [when, not if!] For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.”

Proverbs 14:16, 26 – The fool is self-confident, but strong confidence is in the fear of the Lord, a place of refuge to His children.

2 Corinthians 5:5-9 – Our confidence is not in this physical life, but in our spiritual future with Christ. Our aim is to please HIM!

1 John 2:28 – Abiding in Christ gives us confidence!

Hebrews 10:32-39 – Don’t allow suffering and hardship to make you cast away your confidence! Don’t draw back, but continue believing unto salvation!

Ephesians 3:11-13 – Our boldness and confidence come through faith in Christ!! And that enables us to not lose heart in tribulations.

Philippians 1:6 – Be confident in the work that HE is doing in you! It is a good work, one that continues up to His completion.

Hebrews 3:6, 14 – We are called to hold fast our confidence to the end!

2 Thessalonians 3:3-4 – The Lord is faithful to establish and guard us! And so our confidence is in Him.

Psalm 27:1, 3 – “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?....In this I will be confident”!

1 John 5:14 – We can have confidence that God hears us when we ask according to His will.

And so I’m asking Him to renew my confidence in Him. That I would be steadfast and certain, not in my own talents or abilities—but in His faithfulness and strength. Humbly abiding in Him, not relying in myself. Because “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).

Being IN CHRIST

This is something that God has been bringing me back around to the past several months….and I am finally sitting down to flesh it out and share it!

It started when the Holy Spirit brought 2 Cor. 5:17 to my mind:

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.”

At first I didn’t really think about the conditional that starts out the verse…“IF anyone is IN CHRIST.” But when I noticed it I realized that is the crux! I can’t make myself be renewed or transformed! That is what the Holy Spirit does in me as I rest in and yield to Him!

As I was spiritually chewing on that, the first verse that came to mind was Phil. 3:9—

“and be found IN HIM, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith IN CHRIST, the righteousness which is from God by faith.”

The verse before that gives the context:

“Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”

All my achievements, all my striving, all my idols—I am to count them all as loss & rubbish, so that I may gain Christ and be found IN HIM!

So often I fail at that. But the verse that brought this whole idea back to my mind this morning speaks to that!

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are IN CHRIST JESUS, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Rom. 8:1)

The following three verses speak to the freedom from the law of sin & death that the Spirit of life IN CHRIST JESUS brings us. This is because Jesus already fulfilled the righteous requirement in us!

So how do we practice being IN CHRIST? My mind immediately jumped to John 15!

Verse four tells us that we can only bear fruit when we are abiding IN CHRIST! And how do we abide in Him? By keeping His commandments (vs. 10). What commandments? Loving one another (vs. 12)!

So love of one another is central to abiding IN CHRIST, which is where freedom is found! But I cannot rightly love others in my own strength…it requires practicing humility, looking out for the interests of others (Phil. 2:4). The next verses command us to have the same mind as was IN CHRIST JESUS: making Himself nothing to serve others. But again, there is no way that I can continually do that in my own strength!!!

The Holy Spirit next took me to Ephesians, where Paul frequently talks about what is positionally true of us IN CHRIST.

• 1:3 We are blessed with every spiritual blessing
• 1:4 We are chosen to be holy and blameless before Him in love.
• 1:6 We are made accepted IN THE BELOVED
• 1:7 We are redeemed and forgiven through His blood, according to the riches of His grace!
• 1:11-12 We obtain an inheritance, one of praising and glorifying Him!
• 1:13-14 Trusting and believing IN HIM seals us with the Holy Spirit, the guarantee of our inheritance
• 1:19-20 IN CHRIST’s resurrection, God works His mighty power…power that is now directed toward us!
• 2:6 We are raised and seated in the heavenly places
• 2:7 We are shown the exceeding riches of His grace and kindness
• 2:10 We are created for good works prepared beforehand
• 2:13 By His blood, we who were far off have been brought near!
• 2:18 through Him (and His finished work), we have access to the Father by the Spirit
• 3:12 We have boldness and access with confidence through faith IN HIM

These are beautiful, precious promises that I want to cling tightly to…especially the next time life throws me a curve ball!

One more passage to finish off with:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us IN CHRIST JESUS before time began…” (2 Tim. 1:7-9)

Please pray for me in the coming weeks and months, that I would be submitted to Christ, allowing Him to live His life in and through me!!

Why Do I Love & Worship?

Happy Resurrection Sunday to all my brothers and sisters! :-)

Today, God has been working something in my heart and mind that I want to share in case it can also encourage/convict others.

Pop Quiz about your knowledge of Bible stories: Which of the two thieves who died on either side of Christ asked to be saved?

Thought about your answer yet? Ok, I’ll wait a minute ;-)

If you’re having trouble remembering, check out Luke 23:39-43 (emphasis mine):

Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying "If you are the Christ, save Yourself and us." But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, "Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong." Then he said to Jesus, "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

As you can see, it was the first thief—the blasphemous one—who asked to be saved. I don’t know about you – but that’s not what I would have thought the answer was to that question. If I were some Bible scholar, I would maybe have a better understanding of what was implied by the second thief’s request for Christ to “remember” him. But I’m not…so I don’t.

But this realization in church this morning followed on the heels of a conviction this morning in my ‘prayer closet’ which was along similar themes.

Let me first back up a bit. On Good Friday, I spent a couple hours out under a tree at our Enterprise Farm journaling about something….. something that came up about a year ago from my young childhood. I felt last year that I needed to work through it more, but had delayed and delayed. God used a couple different things to bring it up again last week, and a day off work provided a good opportunity to prayerfully write about it.

As I sat down to write, I wanted to do it from the right perspective and foundation. I didn’t want to write about it out of self-pity or a ‘victim’ mentality. I wanted to write about it in a way to open my heart to Christ’s healing and redemption, which He accomplished on the Cross 2,000 years ago. And so even though I didn’t plan it that way, Good Friday helped me think about it in that framework.

Then yesterday morning I was reading Psalm 67 in my devotional time. I couldn’t help but notice, while I read, that the Psalm talks about urging all nations to praise God…..but it begins and ends with the expectation that God will bless us. So was the admonition to praise God based in selfish motives, just wanting the blessings from Him? My mind noticed it, but then I went on with my day. And when a friend later asked me what Jesus was speaking to me that day, I couldn’t think of anything – I just said I wasn’t listening well enough to hear.

Back to this morning’s conviction. I had been thinking of my friend’s question off and on. And as I was there in my ‘prayer closet,’ Paraclete revealed a piece of my heart. On Friday I felt close to God in a way I haven’t as much recently, because I was bringing to Him something that was weighing on me. I recognized that I needed healing in an area, and I was asking Him to do that in me.

In other words, my motivation was partly/primarily selfish.

So this morning, the question that came to my heart and mind was “Have I been ‘loving’ and ‘worshipping’ God for who He is? Or for what I receive from Him?” In other words, haven’t I been doing the same thing the author of Psalm 67 appears to have been doing?

It’s such an easy trap to fall into. We do need God, desperately. And because He is a loving God, He does enjoy lavishing His children with gifts of His grace (Eph. 1:7-8). But our love for and worship of God should be so much more than that….shouldn’t it?

Because the God we serve is indescribably glorious. Enthroned in Majesty. The Creator and Sustainer of all things – in ways we can’t even imagine. He is the definition of Awesome.

But our eyes are so very easily fixated on our own lives, our own problems – the things we want God to fix in us or the material things we want Him to bless us with.

Is that not asking God to save us for our own selfish reasons, as the thief on the cross did? Is that not following Jesus for what we can get out of Him, as Judas ended up doing (John 12:4-8)?

Shouldn’t we instead recognize Christ for who He is—the one who “has done nothing wrong” and who has a Kingdom where He rules—as the second thief did? Shouldn’t we pour out our most valuable and precious things simply for the sake of anointing Christ, as Mary did (John 12:1-3)?

This morning, Uncle Jonnes pointed out that the two thieves on the crosses show the two types of responses to Jesus, paralleling the contrasting responses of Mary and Judas in John 12. But which category do I really fall into? As a not-yet-fully-sanctified human, I need to be continually examining my own heart and listening for the input of the Holy Spirit in this matter.

Because this morning, there in my prayer closet, the question came to mind: “If you got NOTHING from God, would you still worship Him?” And my selfish heart had to answer a quiet “no.”

All day today, when my thoughts have gone back to these points, there’s a simple line from a song that keeps coming back to mind: “I will worship You for who You are.” And that has been the cry of my heart today. To worship both our Savior and our Father for who He is as God. Not only for what I receive as a result.

To quote my college president, “May it ever be true of us.”

Trusting God in Unwanted Circumstances

I’ve been reading through the Psalms recently. Yesterday morning, one of the ones I read was Psalm 53.

The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity,
There is none who does good.

God looks down from heaven upon the children of men,
To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.
Every one of them has turned aside;
They have together become corrupt;
There is none who does good, no not one. 

Have the workers of iniquity no knowledge,
Who eat up my people as they eat bread,
And do not call upon God?
There they are in great fear where no fear was,
For God has scattered the bones of him who encamps against you;
You have put them to shame,
Because God has despised them. 

Oh, that the salvation of Israel would come out of Zion!
When God brings back the captivity of His people,
Let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad.

At the first read through, this Psalm kind of seemed disjointed. I didn’t initially see the thread of connection and flow through it all. But after looking at it for a bit, I could see it. Basically, the summary of this Psalm could be “Foolish men no match against God’s salvation.”

It made me smile as I saw it, and I thought about how encouraging that is. So often, we get focused on the rascals who seem to be able to do whatever they want. And yes, sometimes God allows evil men to have sway for a while. But in the end, they will be filled with great fear, “For God has scattered the bones of him who encamps against you.”

Not long after reading that, as I was walking to work, one of my fellow staff members stopped me. He asked me what other names I go by…..and I thought I knew where this was headed. When I told him my Luganda name, he told me that he had met a stranger on our campus – that spot being only a one minute walk from my house – who was looking for me by that name.

The stranger who talked to me once in the nearby town.

The creeper who has been stalking me.

He had been onsite, and not far from my place.

That was evidently a couple weeks ago. I think before he got my number and called me, and I told him “Do NOT call me again.”

On Wednesday, my fellow staff member had been in the nearby town, and three people had walked up to him and blamed him for keeping their friend (the creeper) from seeing “his friend” at New Hope (me – though I would NOT call someone “my friend” after one brief encounter).

My fellow staff member made the comment “I didn’t know I had any enemies in [the nearby town], but now I guess I do.” I explained the situation to him, and told him I was sorry he had gotten involved in it. And I did (and do) feel somehow guilty for it. The number of times my mind has tried to go back through that initial interaction, to see why this creeper thinks he can be so persistent….

But I have to keep reminding myself that I am not to blame for his unwarranted actions. My mom always says “you can’t ‘should have’ anything” – but I think it’s just human for us to think that way.

I feel like my privacy has been violated by this creeper. And now at least two of my staff members have been a bit hassled by the local people because of it. And yes, it is so tempting to be afraid.

It wasn’t until I lay down to go to sleep last night that my mind suddenly put two and two together. All day, the worry would try to come pressing back in. All day, I was waiting to talk to the church elder who has been walking through this situation with me. All day, I had been trying to remind myself not to let fear control me. But all day, I had forgotten the Truth that I read that morning:

“For God has scattered the bones of him who encamps against you”

And so last night, I finally prayed a Bible-based prayer about it – for the first time in all the weeks this has been going on. I prayed that God would scatter these outside ‘enemies’ who seem to be bent on getting me and this creeper together. That God would place a hedge of protection around my friends and around me. That God would place a fear of HIM into the heart of this creeper. I have no idea where he stands spiritually – and I do pray that God would work in his heart….not only to cause fear, but even to cause repentance.

So often, I fail to connect what I read in the Bible to real life. But this morning, as I read a couple more Psalms, the Spirit gave me the eyes to see it. And so I begin a new day, choosing to rest and trust in the God of my salvation. The One who can and will hear my prayers; the One who can grant me deliverance. Selah.

God's Love for Us

Yesterday was, I am afraid, another one of "those days."

Jill is back in the office with me starting Tuesday, which is wonderful! And I'm going home two weeks from today, which is also wonderful!! But yesterday, thanks to a few other things as well, the emotions started snowballing quickly and early.

I'm so thankful that God reminded me to lean on Him in that moment, because if He hadn't, I am not sure if I would have made it through the day. Without Him, I am so weak!

But I did make it through, all by His Grace.

When we got to our weekly staff fellowship in the evening, one of our staff members came to share with us what she had recently learned at a conference about how to counsel people. But instead of jumping in to a list of things we should do, she went back to the beginning: reminding us that love is the goal of counseling others, and that "We cannot do that unless we are receiving God's love into our hearts regularly."

So instead of talking at us about how to help others, she gave us verses to meditate on as we opened up our hearts to God's love for us. Afterwards, this is what I wrote:

I am a child of God--Beloved and Precious. The child of a Prodigal God,* One who will spare NO expense in redeeming His people. He did it at the time of the Exodus (Deut. 7:7-8), He pursued His people through generations (Jer. 31:3), and He did it again through Jesus (Rom. 5:8).

God spared no expense. He poured out the most precious thing in the entire Universe: the blood of His Son (John 3;16). Because He loved us, because He loved me. Not because of any righteousness I had done or could ever do---my father's father's father's father for generations existed only in God's foreknowledge when Christ chose & pledged to make that ultimate sacrifice (Eph. 2:4-5). It is ALL by grace, all by His lavished love (1 John 3:1).

Lord, open the floodgates of my soul to Your love. Saturate me with You--mind, heart, body & soul--so that when life squeezes me and jostles me, it is Your love which overflows.

*This idea comes from Tim Keller's book of the same name, in which he points out that the real meaning of "prodigal" is extravagant, although the "parable of the prodigal son" often makes us think of it in terms of wandering from home. In that book, Tim Keller shows how the parable is really about the Prodigal Father (God) who rejoices so much in us.

Thanksgiving

I know this is a few months early for my fellow Americans….. But here at New Hope Uganda, tomorrow we will be having our annual Thanksgiving Sunday service. And so in that spirit, I wanted to share some of the things I am so very thankful for in this season of my life.

First of all, I am incredibly thankful for our Abba, Father – the fact that He is present and active in the lives of His children is an incomprehensible gift!

I am thankful for our Savior, for His patience and undying love for us. Words utterly fail to describe what He has done and continues to do for the glory of God, of which we are beneficiaries!

“This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure, we shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He also will deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.”  2 Timothy 2:11-13

I’m also thankful for Paraclete, the Holy Spirit, who lives within God’s beloved sons & daughters and continues working and interceding for our sanctification.

I’m so thankful that I am never alone, for this is the Triune God who is ever-present with us.

I’m thankful for my biological family, especially my parents. Their constant love and care and prayers and support mean more to me than I can ever say.

I am also thankful for my massive spiritual family – literally located around the globe. So many names I could mention here – names of prayer supporters and encouragers, names of friends. Many of whom I have not seen in recent months, but who I know care nonetheless.

I’m thankful for my New Hope family too – again, so many names I could pull out of people who have invested in me in ways small and large. People who have opened their hearts and homes to me; people I have been able to stand with and work alongside. People who, while not perfect, seek to serve God through loving His “least of these.”

I am thankful for the gift of fellowshipping for a week in person with a friend & apartment-mate from college days. Her presence was such a gift and she is part of the reason I am writing this right now!

I’m thankful for the beauty of God’s creation! For the birds, the flowers, the stars my friend and I enjoyed during a dark night power out. This world is so amazing in its variety and ingenious design.

This list could go on and on…..

When I choose gratitude and thankfulness as my glasses, I see so much that is good and blessing in my life. Yes, there are hardships and challenges. But I – we! – are called to give thanks in all things. And so this evening, I praise God for the many gifts He has given me…..above them all, Himself in relationship.

To God be the Glory, great things He has done!

Fresh Love

{I’ve stolen/borrowed this title, as you’ll see later – so I can’t take credit for it!}

This past Thursday evening, I hit a slump of discouragement. There are several probable factors that created it, but in the end God used it to once again remind me how constantly and desperately I need Him. He is all-sufficient, if only I would have the faith to trust and rely on Him rather than myself.

Since then, I have spent some time reading Nehemiah 8 and 9. Those two chapters focus on the reading of the law to the Jews who had returned after exile, and of their response to it. The people were grieved when the law was read and explained by the Levites – and though they were encouraged to not grieve because “the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Neh. 8:10), they later returned to pour their hearts out in confession before God.

During this gathering, the Levites stood up before the people and recounted the history of Israel poetically – but what I found most interesting as I read it this morning is that they started off by blessing God and worshipping Him. The tale they told was one of Israelite rebellion and unfaithfulness, but it was framed and laced throughout with the mercy of God and His worthiness to be obeyed and praised.

As I closed my Bible and prepared to get ready for church, a thought flitted through my mind; something about feeling as though I was just slogging through, trying to do what I knew I should, but often without my heart fully into it. Little did I know then how that very thought would tie into church.

I arrived at church a little early. While sitting there listening to the choir finishing their practice for the service, I watched as a couple of our church leaders brought out the elements for communion. Somehow, that simple sight awakened emotion in me, and a tear had to be wiped from my cheek.

A little later in the service, the Scripture passage for the day’s sermon was read, Revelations 2:1-7. The meat of those verses hit me right between the eyes. Christ, speaking to the church in Ephesus, says:

“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: have forsaken the love you had at first” (Rev. 2:2-4).

Yes, I thought. Yes, that’s exactly it. That could nearly just as well be speaking about me.

My mind flashed back to a recent group discussion in which I was simultaneously frustrated and prideful. I found myself unduly frustrated with others for not having a working understanding of theological principles which I’ve had something of a grasp on for almost as long as I can remember. And thus the pride came into play as well.

I try to work hard and perform well, often for the sake of giving glory to Christ. I make an effort to hold fast to Scripture, making it my foundation, learning so that I may I understand truth and discern the lie. I do my best to press through times of discouragement.

But where is the love in my heart?

Do I do all these things merely because I am supposed to? Or because my heart is on fire with a love and passion for God and His glory?

While I desire the latter, the former is often more accurate. Just trying to slog through life, to get through one more day.

I don’t want to live like that.

I want to return to the first love of Christ. The love that came, not because of anything I had done but because of what He did. The fresh love, as the preacher put it, that flows from Him through me—of which I am merely a channel, not a creator.

During the sermon, the pastor for the day clarified and reechoed many of these thoughts which had recently been swirling, half-formed, in my mind. In his conclusion, he read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a. Reminding us that without love, we are nothing. Reminding us of just what kind of love Christ has for us.

As we took communion, our worship leader played a song that had really struck me in church a couple weeks ago. I munched my small square of bread and drank my small cup of juice, remembering what Christ has done for me; remembering that all is by grace.

And so a new day continues, a new hour lies before me. May it be filled with a fresh love for Christ and for others, by His grace.

Learning to Live in Freedom

“‘Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free……Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:32, 34-36).

It started a couple months ago when I was at Kobwin. When I was hesitant and unsure, one of the family mothers spoke words that went straight to my heart and embedded deeply there, beyond the surface details of the situation. “Don’t be afraid,” she said. “Be free.”

Be free.

Such simple words. But so easy to forget. Since that day, that same idea keeps popping up. So much so that my new bracelet became a combination of hope and freedom. (I haven’t posted the story about my bracelets. I’ll have to write that sometime soon.)

The Holy Spirit had been convicting me the past couple weeks (ever since I thought about & shared my testimony with my Institute class) that much of my life I have been bound by fear of one sort or another. Fear of failure/imperfection, fear of rejection, fear of not being in control (fear of misfortunes). And when fear is a major motivating factor in my life, it chases peace and joy.

Of course, I know with my head that I can’t keep myself from making mistakes in my own strength. I know that my identity must not be bound by what other people think of me (what “they say”). And I know that there’s no way I can prevent bad things from happening! But knowing the truth doesn’t always mean I live by it, sadly.

Almost two weeks ago, there was a situation in which I was trying to serve others out of my own strength, and probably for my own honor. But when my strength ran out, I started behaving rudely to the people around me. In those moments, I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t stop. I was exhausted, shattered by the end of it. I’ve been feeling that shattered, exhausted feeling a couple times since then….

Even as I was walking back to my house, I knew that I would need to apologize to some people. I can’t remember if I confessed it to God in prayer that night or the next morning……but as I thought about what had happened the following day, I fell into the old habit of berating myself for falling short of my own expectations. And God’s, right??

“You were behaving like such a brat!” I told myself, among other things. But as my mind thought that last word, it flew to a story in a childhood series I loved to read. At first, I wanted to ignore it as a rabbit trail, away from what I thought was important at the moment. But I felt the Spirit prompting me to remember the story.

{As a very brief explanation, the series is an allegory about God’s Story in three parts: Tales of the Kingdom, the Resistance, and the Restoration. The world is pictured in the first two as the Enchanted City, under the control of an evil emperor. The true King spends the first book living in exile, but he comes back to the city in the second book.}

In this particular chapter, young orphaned children are forced to work underground keeping the city’s massive sewage and power systems working. They are called Sewer Rats and Boiler Brats. And they live their lives bound in fear: fear that the city’s infrastructure will grind to a halt on their watch (as it often did), bringing a dreaded visit from the emperor or at least his evil henchmen. Which always brought punishment for failing what was really an impossible task.

But one night, the exiled King miraculously appears in their dark underground world. He offers them love, acceptance, and freedom—and he leads them out of the prison of fear back to his kingdom outside the borders of the Enchanted City. In his kingdom, there are no orphans. There are adopted sons and daughters.

I don’t know when I had last thought about that series—it had been a while. But God used that story, along with other things He has been reminding me of, to learn something “new” with my heart (of course, it’s not really new. Rather, it’s an old lesson. But it’s something which has often been stuck at a head knowledge level in my life).

So often, I fail. And when I fail, I mentally beat myself up over it. And I feel like God must be so disappointed in me. When I turn to Him and confess, I usually do so in an attitude of trying to humiliate myself before Him like the prodigal son tried to do. And so often, I find myself met with God’s grace and love and forgiveness and acceptance—not the condemnation I know so well I deserve. I know this is because through Christ’s finish work—wonder of wonders—God sees in me the righteousness of Christ.

That morning as I sat here thinking about my mistake, and yet the freedom I have in Christ from guilt and condemnation, God taught my heart in a deeper way than I had known before that the past is the past. It does no good to wallow in guilt and to hold onto that feeling that I have failed. I can never change the past. I can choose the present and hope for the future. But the choice is not one I am required to make in my own strength – and the hope is not an empty, wishful thinking. Both are guided and guarded by Christ. And the past? Its mistakes are wiped clean by Christ.

I don’t by any means wish to cheapen God’s grace. That is, of course, the danger with such a line of thinking. Paul felt the same tension in Romans 5:20-6:1ff. But just yesterday I was part of a conversation in which we were discussing the difference between conviction and guilt. My tendency is definitely to guilt trip myself….and it’s a habit that I can see God calling me out of.

Our Father does not want His beloved children bound by the guilt of the past. Jesus Christ has dealt with the past, IT IS FINISHED (John 19:30). We are FREE from the guilt of the past (though not always all the consequences—BUT GOD will use even them for good) because of HIS completed work.

“Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them” (Psalms 32:1-2, as quoted in Romans 4:8). The truth and beauty of those verses swept over my soul amidst tears just a few days ago. I’ve often been living under a cloud of guilt and fear for months and years. But thanks be to God for His patience with me! He’s never giving up, and the light of His truth and grace and FREEDOM are continuing to break through.

Because He is good, and His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

Haggo'el

I’ve been reading through the Old Testament all year (not consistently enough….I’m only in 1 Chronicles!), and one of the things I’ve been doing as I read is taking note of the names of God that are used. For example, one of the first times God is referred to as “Father” is in 2 Samuel 7 when He promises to be a Father to David’s son.

I love that one of God’s names for Himself is Father. It’s one of my favorites! But I actually want to talk about a different name of God – one that I have become increasingly grateful for over the past couple of years: God as Haggo’el (the Redeemer, in Hebrew).

If I remember right, my journey of learning this name started one day in the fall of 2012, as I sat out in the woods reading through Psalm 139. I was reading it out loud, my heart echoing ‘amen’ to each truth. But suddenly, when I got to the verse “Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well,” (vs. 14b) I came to a full stop. I couldn’t even read it, let alone affirm the truth of it in my own life.

It was one of those moments when I realized there are still areas in my life where I have a hard time trusting God….a hard time believing that His plan and what He has allowed are good. There are old hurts and regrets I still hold onto. It was that day I began to realize that I blamed God for those things.

I wish I had all my journals here with me so that I could go back and look at those entries. I think it took a couple weeks for me to think about it and process it…..but I think later in that final JBU year I was able to go back to that verse and read it aloud, instructing my heart to believe its truth.

Perhaps that didn’t come until after this next bit. It was in April of 2013, as a group of us were road tripping back from an academic conference in Wisconsin, that the above concept took on a more concrete form. I was reading through Joel at the time, and there in the backseat of the van I read Joel 2:25, where the LORD says “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…My great army which I sent among you.” It was like a light of spiritual understanding went on in my mind.

God had sent the locust. He had allowed—no, He had caused—a calamity to happen to His chosen people, in this case as a judgment for their sin. But when His people repented and turned back to Him (2:12-17), He promised to forgive them and to redeem the loss that they had endured.

During the nearly two years since that day, the concept of God’s work as our Redeemer has become increasingly real and special to me. Of course, a major aspect of God’s redemptive work is His sacrificing His Son to buy us back (to redeem us) from the grasp of the devil. But I believe we can see from passages such as Joel 2:25 and Romans 8:28 that God’s redeeming grace does not apply only to eternity future….it applies to our lives here and now as well.

There have been several times in the past year and a half when I have been filled with regrets over how the choices I have made have impacted others or even just my own outlook on things. It was actually thinking about one of those occasions that has brought on this blog post. As I lay there last night, tears running down my face as I wished things had turned out differently, it was the truth of God’s redeeming power that brought peace to my heart.

That is not to say that God’s redemption means what I did was right or even good. God’s work as Redeemer also rarely works on my time schedule! But when choices have been made in the past—when I can’t go back and undo them, as much as I wish I could—then, after I have repented before God and men my Father asks me to trust Him. To trust that He will redeem all things for His glory and for the good of all of His children, in His time and in His way (see this blog post for more about that).

I may not see the full outworking of that until I stand in His presence. If that is the case, He calls me to go forward free from guilt, counting on Him to work all things for good. Even those things that hurt me or others, that the devil probably laughed with glee over when they happened. BUT GOD – He takes each thing and uses it in the refining, molding process—and in the end, every vessel (each one of us individually) will be beautiful.

For He is Haggo'el, our Redeemer.

A Confession

On Saturday, when all those thoughts that became my previous blog post were rumbling around in my head, I must confess that I was frustrated and angry. I don’t know if it came through to you, my readers—I felt that I was calmer about it when I actually put it all into words—but I know my heart & mind had been vigorously and selfishly decrying the unfairness of it all.

I didn’t fully realize this until I was sitting in church Sunday morning and the sermon “just happened” to be about Asaph and Psalm 73. I sat there listening, and it suddenly hit me that I had been feeling and acting a lot like Asaph, although the circumstances are different. But I was still jealous of others who seem to have a better life. Questioning why they get it good while I have to give up more to follow where God is leading me.

Even on Saturday, the Lord had opened my eyes to the selfishness of my attitude, as I wrote about at the end of my post. In light of what our Savior did, I am sacrificing nothing. But the sermon on Sunday showed me even more clearly the trap I had fallen into, and it pointed out that nothing in this life tells the full story.

I was questioning God “why?” again, based on what I see in the physical reality. And that’s wrong on two counts. One, I don’t have a right to ask God why He acts in the way He does. Two, judging things based on what happens in this life is like judging a book by its cover alone. In the light of eternity, I am beyond blessed simply because I am a child of the King. That should be more than enough satisfaction for me.

And so I have a new verse to remember, to keep me perspective right:

But it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,
That I may declare all Your works.

Psalm 73:28

Trust God and declare His goodness: that is to be sufficient for me.

The Lord's Presence

“It may be that the LORD will be with me, and I shall be able to drive them out as the LORD said” (Joshua 14:12b).

This morning, as I read Joshua 14 (about the dividing of the land among the tribes) this verse leapt out at me. I think I’ve either heard a talk on it, or I’ve noticed this when I’ve read the chapter before.

The context is that Caleb is making a request of Joshua. Moses had promised Caleb a particular mountain, because he was one of only two spies who were faithful to God when the 12 spies were sent out from Kadesh Barnea. And now, 45 years later, the time had finally come when Caleb could receive that inheritance.

Caleb was 85 years old. He had spent the first 35+ years of his life as a slave in Egypt. He, with all the other Israelites, had seen God’s power and glory there and at Mount Sinai. He had walked in the Promised Land and seen its bounty. He took God at His word and trusted that God could overcome the Canaanites. But because the people did not, Caleb joined them in their wilderness wanderings for 40 years, until everyone of his generation except for himself and Joshua had died.

And now that they were finally in the land and had, in two major sweeps of conquest, cleared out most of the Canaanites—now it was finally time for Caleb to settle down and enjoy retirement, right?

That’s not what he had in mind.

Instead, he intentionally asked for an area where the people had not yet been driven out:

“As yet I am as strong this day as on the day that Moses sent me; just as my strength was then, so now is my strength for war, both for going out and for coming in. Now therefore, give me this mountain of which the LORD spoke in that day; for you heard in that day how the Anakim were there, and that the cities were great and fortified. It may be that the LORD will be with me, and I shall be able to drive them out as the LORD said” (Joshua 14:11-12).

Even at 85 years of age, Caleb still wanted to carry out the mission which his brethren had rejected 45 years before.

God said that Caleb was His servant, that he had a different spirit in him, and that he had followed God fully. Therefore Caleb would receive an inheritance while the others never set foot in the land (Numbers 14:24).

Reading this today, I couldn’t help but think about my own life. Since the coming of Christ to save and the Holy Spirit’s indwelling, I don’t have to wonder if God is with me. I know He is. But it still takes the same sort of trust and confidence, the same willingness to step out and face challenges that Caleb had.

I want to have a different spirit in me. I want to follow the Lord fully. And this morning, God used this passage to call me back to that, to remind me to be satisfied in Him rather than running away to my own attempts at living this life.

Cast Your Burdens

{This is a continuation of my previous couple of posts}

So what is to be done with the burdens we all carry, especially the burdens of sin Paul referred to in Galatians 6? As I thought about all of this a couple weeks ago, a couple different thoughts and connections flew through my mind.

One was a song I first remember hearing about a month ago at church here. It hit me deep in my heart:

I’d trade these ashes in for beauty,
And wear forgiveness like a crown;
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy,
I lay every burden down:
At the foot of the cross.

The second (and closely related) was thinking about Pilgrim’s Progress – his heavy heavy burden fell away off of his back as he worshipped at the cross.

It’s not like were expected to deal with our burdens on our own! In fact, trying to do so will only end up in disappointment, because there is no way that we can do this life—especially no way that we can lighten the burden of our sin—on our own. The fact is that Jesus has already done that work!

As Paul writes in another letter: “our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with that we should no longer be slaves of sin” (Rom. 6:6, emphasis mine). Christ came and lived and died and rose again to take the burden away. The work is finished!!!

It’s like that old kid’s song I listened to as a child (anyone else remember Donut Man? :D) “Cast your burden unto Jesus, for He cares for you!”[1] I’ve heard it a few times here in Uganda, so maybe that’s part of the reason it’s on my mind J

The song mostly comes from 1 Peter 5:6, though it could also partly come from Psalm 55:22. In 1 Peter 5, the verse (“casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you”) directly follows his admonition to submit to one another and to “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time” (1 Pet. 5:5 and 6). I heard a really good message on this passage my junior year of college while resting in bed, and I’ve always meant to go back and give it a listen when I have my full brain power…..

At any rate, another relevant passage to this topic is Matthew 11:28-30, the oft quoted “come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”—but don’t forget the next verses, the admonition to “Take My yoke….for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Now, I don’t claim to have much theological training or to be an expert on interpreting Scripture….but take a look at the rest of Matthew 11 that proceeds these verses (and yes, I know chapter divisions aren’t inspired either…).

The chapter starts with John the Baptist sending two of his disciples from prison. It continues with Jesus rebuking cities that did not repent of their sin even after seeing the signs of Christ. The verses mentioned in the previous paragraph, examined in this context could be seen in a new light.

The beginning of the chapter shows that wearing the yoke of being Christ’s messenger—while much better than bearing the weight of sin—is not all happy-go-lucky. John was in prison…John was beheaded, simply for declaring God’s truth about sin. And we can wonder at God’s wonders all we want, but unless we repent….we’re worse off than Tyre and Sidon, worse off even than Sodom. That’s a pretty damning view of things, and it comes straight from what Jesus said!

I guess my point here is that God doesn’t take our burden of sins off of our shoulders for our own sakes or so that we can have an easy life. He saves us for a reason: For HIS GLORY, and so that we may SERVE HIM and His people. So YES, we should celebrate the fact that we are no longer burdened by sin! But obviously, we should not use that freedom as license to run off and do our own thing in our own way.

I would say that my general tendency has been to swing too far on the side of still carrying around guilt for my sin….although I know there have certainly been times when I have swung to the “then I’ll do what I want!” extreme. I’ll talk about the former in my next post, and tie in a song that’s currently pretty popular. Any guesses as to what song? ;-)

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[1] If you missed out on this classic of my childhood, you can check it out on YouTube here. This is exactly the version I watched on VHS who knows how many times, down to the cute little girls at 1:00 and 1:45 :D