My Heart-ostat

Today my counselor and I got onto the subject of regulating and expressing emotions.

{I love my counselor, she is very much a Biblical Counselor, not just a nominally Christian counselor like some of the ones I have gone to in the past. Ellen actually uses Scripture with me, every time - and she opens and closes us in prayer, every time. She is also incredibly affirming and encouraging ... at least most of the time. But she's also not afraid to call me out on something when she senses the need!}

This evening, after we'd been talking about some various life circumstances, she took us to James 4:1-3. I won't say this nearly as eloquently as she did, but I'm going to try and share with you the lesson that she shared with me from that passage. And yes, I do have her permission to blog about and publish this! :)

Our regulator as believers is the Spirit of Christ indwelling in us, she shared. And by Him indwelling us, it doesn't just mean that He lives inside of us; but also that He fills every part of us.

In James 4, the author paints a picture of people who were very *dys*regulated. They were fighting and quarreling because of the {fleshly} desires battling within them. They were going to the extent of killing {I would guess in a Matthew 5:22-sense} just because they could not get what they desired. Their covetousness led to fights and quarrels. Why? Because they weren't asking God for what they desired; or when they did ask, they asked selfishly (with wrong motives), wanting to spend what they got on their {fleshly} pleasures.

It is a serious inditement, and all the more so because James wrote this strong warning to believers!!

Ellen pointed out that just because the Spirit of Christ indwells us, does not guarantee that we'll be surrendered to Him and subject to His controlling influence. He does not force Himself upon us, but rather waits for us to call upon Him. {Sometimes I wish that were the other way around!!}

When she asked me what I was hearing from what she said, as she often does, I said that it made me think of a thermostat {thus the title - a thermostat for our inner emotional hearts is a heart-ostat, right?}.

To further tease out the analogy I was thinking of, Paraclete is like a thermostat because unless I tap into Him, He doesn't regulate my emotional climate. But when I do turn toward Him and ask for help {setting the thermostat}, He is so very capable of controlling the entire HVAC system of my heart.

People without Christ's Spirit indwelling them don't have that heart-ostat available to them. They may be able to regulate their own emotions somewhat, but nothing can replace the divine regulation that is available to believers in whom the Holy Spirit resides.

When I choose to allow Paraclete to regulate the expression of my emotions, it's not just about me! It's also a witness to the watching spiritual hosts, and quite probably also a witness to people around me too. I don't want to be someone who stuffs all my emotions OR blows them all out of proportion. I need Him in me, the hope of glory, that HIS power may show forth in and through my weaknesses!

So, that's what I have to share tonight. Thanks for reading and caring! :)

Beginning a Gratitude List

This song has been stuck re-echoing through my head the past several days, ever since I heard Brandon & Maverick City Music perform it live last Saturday at Life Surge (a "pep rally for Christians" as my mom termed it :)).

To be honest, it's been a challenging month for me. 

In my previous post, I talked about the positive anniversary of Jan. 25th, 2011. What I left out mentioning was the negative 4th anniversary of Jan. 24, 2018 the day before. Between that date of my mental breakdown and my departure from Uganda on April 4, I was ..... in limbo I guess. I rarely consciously choose to think about those weeks, because they are still painful memories. But this post is not about that. 

As I was saying, it's been a challenging month.
BUT GOD.
He continues to work, even in the midst of my brokenness, weakness, and failings.
And this song has been calling me to shift my perspective from everything that is wrong to the MANY things I can praise God for.

"So I'll throw up my hands and praise You again and again."

Here's the beginnings of a list ... because I need to reinstitute this practice in my life!

• Father God's constant love and grace toward me.
• Our Savior's faithfulness, that He is gentle and lowly and understands us in our weakness from His 33-ish years of experience with temptation.
• Paraclete, using Scripture passages and songs like this to woo back my heart.
• Tom's excellent sermon on Sunday at CBC, talking about how the indwelling of Paraclete is the guarantee of our inheritance, the assurance of our salvation.
• Life Surge was a really neat event - I had the opportunity to hear Nick Vujicic, Willie Robertson, Priscilla Shirer and other speakers in person. I am definitely glad I went!
• I'm *immensely* grateful for my friends, my coworkers, my mentors, my counselor, my doctor, etc! They both support me in spite of my shortcomings, but also call me not to stay in that place. They shoot straight, not coddling me when what I need is a wakeup call.
• This week, two negative things happened to my car, and my "Dallas grandpa" had to do a repair of an older fender bender in order for my car to hopefully pass inspection. But I'm grateful to one of the deacons from my church for helping me replace a flat tire Monday night, and to the said adoptive grandpa for working on my car for me yesterday.
• On the same note, I'm thankful that the lady whose car I slid into this morning on the way to work is fine and that her car is too. Praying that once she sees that, she won't file anything with my insurance!
• I appreciate the book we've been reading for our CBC Young Adults' Group, Gentle and Lowly which I "just happened" to read this morning before heading to work - and which is helping inform the second bullet point.
• I'm grateful for my newest coworker, who is also a huge encourager and a great hugger!
• Praising God for good sleep recently, that is certainly a blessing!!
• As much as I gripe about my weight loss program internally, I'm thankful for the progress being made in that area.
• That even when we are under spiritual attack, we can fight from a place of victory ALREADY won!!
• For a fun time talking with my "sister" Sarah about her well-written book that she is sharing with me.

I could/should think of many many more things .... but for tonight I think that's enough of a starter :)

Of Anniversaries and Confession/Renewal

I don't know quite where to start - other than with the goodness of God's Grace :)

The back story to this post will be on my mental health journey blog, hopefully by mid-March. Then I'll link to it here. But I don't want to wait to celebrate what God is doing in the present.

This morning, I woke up around 4 a.m. and didn't fall back asleep. I was expecting this ... I am sharing a special devotional/spiritual object lesson with my coworkers and I really want it to go well!!!

But as a result, I made a good choice that it has taken me a long time (too long) to make consistently:

I read the next paragraph in Colossians 1. I had started the end of October, and had only done it twice since then. Personal devotions and prayer have been a struggle I have not been winning for many months. I've let other things crowd those two critical things out. On Saturday and yesterday evening I admitted this to one of my best friends and to my counselor ... and both of them are actively encouraging me to make a point of getting back into daily, personal relationship with God!!

This morning in Colossians, the verse that most stood out to me was 1:6b - "Since the day you heard and knew the grace of God in truth." That verse is especially poignant to me on today, January 25th. You see, it was 11 years ago today that Paraclete's light of GRACE broke into the cell of legalism where I had chained my heart. Click the link on "January 25th" above to read more about that :)

So it was very sweet of God to bring me back to just the paragraph that held that fragment of a verse.

I want to believe that God is continually doing a new thing in my life & soul. In some ways, it's been a long three years since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and there are still things that I need to surrender back to God and trust Him with & leave it there. I hope and choose to trust that this morning is a baby step back in that direction!!!

Also, thanks to all the men who shared in our church service on Sunday at Community Bible Chapel - Paraclete definitely used each of you in working on my heart!!