God’s work in my life these past few months has been so amazing. It’s a huge blessing to me. This summer, He’s kept bringing me back to the concepts of love, trust, and faith as He continues teaching me to seek after Him and Him alone.
I’d say my biggest lesson from this summer has been: If I really have faith in God’s awesome, unconditional love for me, I will choose to trust His plan for my life.
Trusting God is sometimes difficult for me. I’m the kind of person who likes to have everything planned out and to know exactly what’s going on. The bad part is that life is rarely that simple.
I want to have faith and to be able to relax in knowing that God will bring to pass what He has willed for my life. Verses like Jeremiah 29:11 are a big encouragement. But as I go about my day-to-day life, it’s so easy for me to start building my day dreams and air castles (I have a good imagination that sometimes gets the best of me).
I often start dwelling and focusing on my picture of what I want my life to look like—how perfect my husband and kids will be, what an amazing impact I’ll have on the world, etc. It’s so easy for me to get carried away, planning out detailed scenes of my future life. All of which takes my focus off of where it should be: on Christ and what will glorify Him and bring about His kingdom. In other words, I tend to be proud and selfish when I try to plan my life.
Even when I recognize that and am not painting my day dreams, I tend to worry about the future. My college graduation is two years away, but I am already a bit nervous about what I’ll do after that. I fret about how God could possibly get me from my current circumstances to where I want to be.
This morning in church the men during the open worship service were talking about rejoicing in the Lord, from Philippians 4. I was sitting there, fighting the distraction to think about a future relationship with my “ideal guy” – and all of a sudden the thought hit me that God does not promise me what I see as a perfect life. There’s no guarantee that my life will be a fairy tale.
What I am called to do is to follow in the footsteps of my Savior. His path did not lead to the American Dream. It led to the cross. In becoming like Him, I am to die to myself and my selfish aspirations. It is only in following whole-heartedly after Christ that I can find true satisfaction and can fulfill the purpose God has placed within my life.
Giving up the control I like to imagine I have over my life isn’t easy for me. Trusting in what I cannot see doesn’t come naturally to me. But God keeps showing me His love and gently speaking to my soul: “This is how much I love you. Doesn’t that give you every reason to trust Me?” He continues to show me glimpses of His character. Everything He is doing in my life is like a giant puzzle, and I keep finding more pieces and fitting them in with what I have been learning.
The head knowledge is all there. It’s my unruly heart and my fleshly habits that are so willing to yield. I don’t know what the future holds—there’s no way I can. But I know Who holds it, and I can find rest in Him.
Sitting there in church, a line of a hymn came into my head – “King of my life I crown Thee now, Thine shalt the glory be.” I looked it up in the hymnal…the title? “Lead Me to Calvary”
Dying to myself isn’t fun. But I have tasted of delighting in the Lord, I have felt His love for me, I know He has a plan for my life—All I am called to do is to trust and to take each step in faith. To Him be the glory.
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